Kindness – a tattoo

Editor, Rosalie shares the story of her most meaningful tattoo yet. 

What does kindness mean to you?

Kindness for me means rejoining a weekly yoga class as a way to enjoy movement without seeing it as a punishment, something that I had been doing for way too long. It means starting counselling and commiting to it for almost a year. Kindness is turning my back on years of dieting and self hate in order to learn to be self compassionate and love my authentic self.

My yoga class begins and ends with a quiet moment of gratitude in a seated, comfortable cross legged position. The way I cross my legs or place my feet together, depending on how I am feeling that days, means my left ankle is always visible to me especially when I am bowing my head on my prayer-formed hands in thanks to my teacher and my body.

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My yoga teacher encourages us to choose an intention for the class, a word, thought or feeling to carry with us while we stretch and move but also for the week ahead. The word I always settle on is kindness. Not only to help me be kind to my body in the moments when I move through our sun salutations and flows, but also as I begin to look around the room and compare my yoga poses and ability to those around me in the village hall where we practise. My chosen intention is also for and towards myself always, whether I am at work or home and more importantly to those around me too.

I wanted to commemorate how far I had come, the positive changes I have made and my progress with the best way I know how – a tattoo. I already had the perfect gap on my left ankle, and an artist in mind who specialises in fine line work.

The artists at Francis Street Tattoo in Leicester have always been warm and kind to me and Ellie-Mae was no different. She helped make the whole experience so positive and she is super gentle, which is always nice. It was as if the ink, the tattoo machine and artist were all working together to pour kindness into my skin. To add power and meaning into a word that had come to be so significant to me. 

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Now settled in and healed, my kindness tattoo pokes out at me at the end and beginning of my class or when I practise at home. It is visible below the cuffs of my  jeans and my favourite dungarees, as a constant and strong reminder of my intention, the person I am and can be, as well as a promise to myself and others. The old English script signifies how far I have come, my history alongside the important work I am continuing to do with my mental health but also how far I have to go.

Most of my tattoos have no real meaning but this one makes up for them all.

Tattoo Aftercare: Salix Moon Apothecary

At Things & Ink we’re always looking for new products to help heal our new tattoos, especially if the ingredients are natural and created by an independent maker. Louise founder of Salix Moon Apothecary kindly sent us some of her Achilles Charm botanical healing salve to try. Read on to find out a bit more about Louise and her tattoo balm…

Louise is a graphic design graduate and aspiring herbalist living by the sea with her partner and two chinchillas. She explains how “Salix Moon Apothecary was born out of my love and respect of the natural world and a need to connect and experiment with it. It was a way of getting creative with nature, combining my love of herbs with my love of design and my urge to create. All of the packaging and illustrations are designed and hand drawn by myself. My partner Max is also a big part of the business, we come up with the recipes and make the products together.”

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“I am fascinated by plant medicine and love to go foraging for herbs for my herbal first aid kit and little home-apothecary. I’m very interested by our ancient ways, folklore and the history of our use of medicinal plants and I’m working on some new products inspired by traditional western herbalism/remedies, with herbs used by our ancestors. I recently started studying Herbal Medicine, which has reinforced my path. I hope one day to become a medical herbalist.”

Louise continues to tell us how she is “passionate about leading a sustainable and ethical lifestyle and I try to reflect that in my products and business ethics. I try and source my essential oils and carrier oils from farms in the UK wherever possible to try and reduce our carbon footprint. Our labels are paper based and compostable and biodegradable and so is our packing material. All my products are in glass bottles and you can choose either an aluminium cap, pipette or spray closure (depending on the product). I encourage customers to re-use their pipette/spray top and go for the aluminium cap for future purchases as they are more easily recycled.”

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What is Achilles Charm tattoo salve? 

Made with a combination of cold pressed and unrefined plantain infused organic Jojoba Oil, Calendula infused organic Sunflower Oil*, organic Yarrow infused organic Sunflower Oil, organic Virgin Rosehip Seed Oil, Organic Beeswax and naturally derived Vitamin E, the balm is:

  • Paraben free
  • Sulfate free
  • Cruelty free
  • Preservative free
  • 100% natural
  • Unscented
  • Suitable for sensitive skin

Achilles Charm contains a magical blend of potent herbs that Louise and Max have macerated in organic botanical oils for many weeks to slowly extract their soothing and nourishing properties. Each herb and oil has been carefully chosen for their nourishing compounds and medicinal properties that help to soothe and protect, promote skin repair and tissue regeneration.

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A highly moisturising and soothing ointment for the skin, this salve is the perfect addition to your herbal first aid kit, it can be applied to bites, stings, scrapes, minor cuts, dry itchy skin conditions and it is our absolute go-to for tattoo aftercare.

As directed our editor Rosie massaged a thin layer of salve directly onto the skin to help soothe, soften and protect her new tattoo. This is what she had to say:

I absolutely loved this tattoo healing balm, not only is it made from natural ingredients and cruelty free, it also has a beautiful natural scent. The texture is ideal for new tattoos as it just melts into the skin like a dream. I’ve been using it on my husband’s new tattoos as well and he loves it too! It’s so nice to have tattoo care that is ethical with recyclable packaging that also supports an independent maker. I also like to use Achilles Charm on my face as a night oil, and I always wake up with beautifully soft nourished skin.

 

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Rosie using Achilles Charm on her new tattoo

Be sure to follow Salix Moon Apothecary on Instagram or Facebook for more plant magic and you can shop the full range of plant based products on Etsy here

Empowering mastectomy tattoo by Lianne Moule

Back in August, we spotted this absolutely stunning mastectomy tattoo by Lianne Moule, who works at Immortal Ink in Chelmsford, after she shared it on Instagram. So we got in touch with Lianne to find out more about the process, we’re sharing the story here to mark Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

“Around four years ago, Liz was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer: sarcoma. The type and size of the cancer dictated that Liz’s only real option was a mastectomy with delayed reconstruction. The process must have taken a huge amount of strength and courage but I’m so grateful she allowed me to be a small part of her inspiring journey.

“Having never had a tattoo in her life, I am awe-inspired that she found me to request a mastectomy cover-up. Liz emailed the studio and told us about her situation and what she wanted to do. When I met Liz for her first consultation, she was very nervous. But she bravely told me her story. When she was diagnosed and told she would lose her breast, she was overrun by emotions. She even said to the consultant that she would rather die than lose her breast. She was aware that even though it seemed a dramatic reaction, her emotions were all over the place and she genuinely felt that. All of a sudden, she was aware of the fact that she felt her breasts gave her femininity, she questioned whether or not she would be able to love her body afterwards.

“Liz told me that throughout every stage of her diagnosis, surgery and aftercare, she was given so much support by the different departments – every team would explain what would be happening to her body and what the options were for her in the future. She decided to go ahead with a nipple graft onto the reconstructed breast, but at this point in the surgeries, she still didn’t know what she wanted to do with her body.

“When Liz was looking at the option of getting tattooed nipples, she came across some pictures of some flowers over mastectomy scars. Liz told me many times that she would never have had a tattoo if it hadn’t been for this journey she has been through. When Liz’s breast was taken away, it was replaced with what she calls ‘a lump of flesh’ – she said it never felt like her breast. With these feelings, Liz said she wanted to make it ‘her own’. Having a beautiful picture on it would make it finally hers, after having many operations without choice, she could finally make a decision to do what she wanted with it.

“Every time I tattoo a breast cancer survivor, it is always about reclaiming their body. It’s the decision that they get to finally make about their own body, to get closure of their experience. Having their bodies cut and poked and prodded and tested without really having a choice, it’s empowering to finally make a decision.

“Liz’s tattoo is one of my favourite pieces of artwork, she looks beautiful and I really hope she feels it. It’s detailed and colourful and I forever hope it gives her confidence.”

Research shows that one in seven women in the UK will develop breast cancer at some stage in their lifetime. October marks Breast Cancer Awareness Month. It is so so important to check your breasts (if you need help with this head to coppafeel.org). 

 

Kimberly Baltzer-Jaray: Tattooing for Mental Wellbeing

In this post Dr Kimberly Baltzer-Jaray discusses the important relationship between her mental health and her tattoos…

Disclaimer: I want to make it clear that I speak only for myself and my own experiences. I do not generalise or speak for anyone else. I also do not prescribe or recommend things that I do. If others find some common ground or connection with things I say, it brings me no little joy.

Although I have been a writer for Things & Ink for years, in the printed issues and then occasionally online for the blog, I would like to introduce myself here in a more personal way and using three key existentially descriptive phrases. I am an academic: I have a PhD in philosophy, and I teach in Women’s & Gender Studies at a university. I am a tattoo scholar: I have written about and researched tattoo history, philosophy, and culture for about a decade, and I have been getting tattooed for roughly 24 years now. I live with depression and the lasting effects of PTSD: I have Dysthymia, what is also called high-functioning depression, and I was diagnosed in my 30s while being treated for PTSD.

Kimberly

I’ve had depression since I was a teenager. It went undiagnosed because my outward behaviour didn’t fit the accepted stereotype of ‘depression’ in the 1990s. It was difficult for medical professionals to see it in my 20s and early 30s since I had completed successfully grad and postgrad education, I had a busy teaching schedule, tons of side projects, friends, and a smile on my face. What they needed to understand was that the overachieving, the grueling workaholic attitude, the hyper perfectionist punishing mentality, the desire to be constantly busy with work or to never sit in silence, was in fact the evidence of my struggle. Away from public eyes, I barely slept, I drank to quiet the chaos and darkness in my head, and I was emotionally numb and yet utterly raw. I thought about dying all the time, and then felt guilty about it because that would mean I’d fail to get my work done and as a result let others down. I was very good at hiding what I was, I had perfected it over years, that is until PTSD knocked my legs out from under me. That’s when my façade cracked and my issues came oozing out. The therapist I was sent to saw through me immediately, she helped me get my diagnosis and begin the process of sorting out the mess I was.

While going through all that old, heavy baggage, the buried trauma, and my bad habits, one of my older coping strategies became a focus for our discussions: tattooing.

Over 24 years I have been asked many times by friends, colleagues, and passersby on the sidewalk why I get tattooed. Most of the time, especially with strangers, the answer ends up being something like: “Well because I like it,” or “It’s a meaningful experience and empowering act of self-expression for me,” or sometimes when I feel cheeky I say “I really liked colouring books as a kid, and I wanted to be one when I grew up”. These are all casual answers that move the conversation along and don’t get too deep. For Things & Ink I’ve written articles on the relationship between tattooing and positive body image and the quest to redefine beauty for myself, and these can get pretty personal, but the truth is I can go deeper.

I’ve never spoken about the other reason I get tattooed, that it’s a part of my mental health strategy.

I will openly admit as a teen I was a cutter and I engaged in activities that damaged my body physically or put me at great risk to. When reflecting on this many years later in therapy, I came to realise that I was doing these things to myself because the pain I caused allowed me to stop thinking about the pain inside of me that I couldn’t shut up, escape, or exorcise. I got my first tattoo at 17 and I remember feeling different afterwards. Like I found a new sense of energy.

With each new tattoo I would look at my body differently, with a sense of love and belonging that pleased me.

It also pissed my mother off, so that was just a bonus! Best of all, I stopped cutting and hurting myself. I took this relationship with pain, something dark and potentially ugly, and developed it into something much more aesthetically pleasing and a lot less bone breaking.

The most important thing tattooing does is help me focus, reset, and train my mind. One of my biggest triggers happens when things in my life get really out of control, when I feel swept up and carried off in a current of chaos that every coping strategy I have fails to assist with. Death, disease, job instability, chronic illness, death, death, death, etc., all happening at once will do it. All that pain and anger takes me so long to let go of, I fixate and obsess night and day, and then I can start to engage in unhealthy and destructive habits, and the spiraling goes further down. When I get tattooed it gives me a chance to focus on pain that I am causing myself, and that pain has a start and a finish. I am in control of the pain, I can control my response to it, I can stop the session when I can’t take it anymore, and that pain has a result that is empowering physically and psychologically.

With tattooing the pain produces a beautiful scar on my body, which is so much nicer than the emotional and psychological scars depression leaves and the physical ones I give myself if I enter into self-damage mode.

Through tattooing I have gained better coping skills when life throws horrible shit at me: I have more confidence that I am strong enough and I can find my way through it; I am able to process things easier and I can reach some kind of acceptance with what is happening. Sometimes I go get tattooed when I feel like my mind is sinking into repetitive trauma patterns or it’s stuck in dark mode, because it allows me to fixate on a different type of pain and this jump starts my brain, so to speak. It’s a kind of cognitive behavioural therapy. I still have a therapist that I see, but tattooing is a way for me to seek support within myself, and a trusted artist along for the ride.

Tattooing has also helped me heal old, deep psychological and physical wounds. In addition to depression I have an autoimmune disease, and it’s an unpredictable fucking asshole. It seems to baffle the medical community from time to time (I love feeling like an experiment or a freakshow specimen so much!) When it decides to flare up, it kicks my ass making me so sick I can barely move. I try to learn what triggers it so I can prevent these instances, but you never figure them all out and learning is always the hard way. I was diagnosed as a teenager and it sent my life into hell for a while. I came out of the hospital utterly fragile, and feeling beaten, frustrated, and very angry. I hated my body and when combined with my depression and self-worth issues I sunk low and into the destructive tendencies I described.

Tattooing has allowed me to love my body, to bond with it and find ways to make it beautifully mine. It has become MY body, the one that I care for and nurture and protect. I can cover all those old destructive scars and angry cutting marks with beautiful colours and symbols of my personal battles. I can heal the tattoos carved into my skin, and with them also my bad feelings about my body.

I should also add, that because I have been lucky to find so many wonderful artists, that getting tattooed has allowed me to trust others again. When you’ve been traumatized and/or struggle with mental health issues, it is hard to be vulnerable and comfortable with people. To feel any sense of safety in this world and to trust others in a situation that is emotionally and physically vulnerable is really a huge step forward. While I would never say a tattoo artist is on par with a therapist, I will say the services they provide can be more than just aesthetic beauty via needles and ink. The good ones become a friend and confidant. The wonderful artists who work on my body have become valuable parts of my journey to wellbeing and a better self.

Kimberly’s stomach tattoo

Over the last few years I have gone through traumatic things that really tested my abilities to cope. What I’ve lost and survived my mind is not so easily processing at times and letting go of. I’m struggling and sinking but I am not defeated. As an act to refocus my mind and remind me that I can persevere, I decided late last year to tattoo my stomach with imagery that is symbolic of a phrase I often say to myself: a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor. It’s a battered looking ship, flanked by beautifully vicious sirens, and a kraken underneath attempting to pull it below. In the background is a beautiful bright red and orange sunset. When I see it every day in the mirror it reminds me that I’ve survived what the universe has thrown at me thus far, and I can be strong enough to take on whatever comes. I might be damaged but I am not completely broken. I can battle onward, or at least try my best to with what I have. Plus, I sat still through 4 sessions of stomach tattooing (roughly 3 hours each), which was NOT fun at all, and I did it without surgical drugs or screaming. So, if I can do that then I can handle a lot of things.

I’m not fixed or cured, not by any sense of the word, but I am better. I am psychologically, emotionally, and aesthetically a work in progress.

Tattoo by Dustin Barnhart, Berlin Tattoo in Kitchener, Ontario. Photo taken by Rob Faucher. 

Brave Collective: Ellen Duffy

London based, freelance graphic designer Ellen Danielle Duffy, decided to create Brave Collective while kicking some breast cancer ass. A brand who are purveyors of merch inspired by rock culture, spreading the word on cancer in young adults. We chatted to Ellen about the brand’s ethos, her diagnosis and of course, tattoos…

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Founded by someone who has had cancer for anyone affected by cancer, Brave Collective provide a platform for young adults to tell their story and support each other. No young adult should ever have to face cancer alone and I’ve seen first-hand the power that a support network can have.

I firmly believe that no matter who you are or where you’re from we’re all in this together; we’re braver together.

Whether you’ve had cancer yourself, are caring for someone with cancer, or are a friend, family member or loved one, we’re here as a reminder that you’ve got this and we’ve got you.

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What inspired you to create the brand and what message do you hope to spread? Every year in the UK 12,500 young adults are told they have cancer.

Throughout my own cancer diagnosis and treatment, I’ve found there’s a shortage in age-specific support for young adults with cancer. Many charities offer support for teens or adults aged 25-45, but the reality is a person in their 20s or 30s is at a very different place in their life to someone in their 40s. Your 20s and 30s are the years that have the potential to shape and influence the rest of your life and it’s for this very reason that age-specific support at this time is so important. That’s why Brave Collective chose to partner with and donate a percentage of their product sales to three awesome charities – Trekstock, CoppaFeel! and Wigs For Heroes – not only are they raising awareness, but they bridge that gap and what they offer is invaluable to any young adult living with and beyond cancer.

As a brand, we want to raise as much awareness as we possibly can, showing what cancer in your 20s and 30s really looks like by sharing the stories of some incredible individuals and continuing to raise money for these amazing charities and their life-changing work.

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Can you tell us about your diagnosis and your treatment so far? I was diagnosed with breast cancer at the start of summer last year when I was 28-years-old. I’ve since had chemotherapy, extensive reconstructive surgery and I’m currently undergoing radiotherapy – the last stage of my treatment.

It’s been a long and very tough year. I’ve had to temporarily put much of my life on pause for a year in order to save it. It’s been difficult seeing how my diagnosis has impacted my family and partner and watch friends lives continue to move forward, as they should, whilst I fight for my own. All of this aside and as cliche as it feels to say, through all of the hardships and heartbreak there have been some pretty incredible moments and through sharing my story on Instagram, I’ve met some incredible people along the way.

My doctors have recently told me I’m now cancer free and I still can’t quite believe it – I still have to stop myself from saying “I have cancer” because I HAD cancer, and I kicked its ass.

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How has having cancer affected the way you view your body and your relationship with it? I’ve had a love hate relationship with my body over the course of the last year. I’ve lost trust in my body since my diagnosis and it’s going to be a lengthy process to rebuild this, but together we’ve been through a lot so I try to be kind.

Like so many others, almost all of my hair fell out during chemotherapy. Making the transition from looking well to visibly poorly so quickly was hard and there were times I found it difficult looking at my reflection in the mirror. At the time making the decision to shave my head felt huge – it may have seemed like ‘just hair’ to some but it was this moment that really concreted my diagnosis and what was happening to me. The relief I felt once I’d made the commitment was overwhelming. Taking charge felt really good, like I’d regained just a small amount of the control I lost during this time. I’ve since taken this time as an opportunity to experiment – I’d always wanted grey hair but no colourist would touch my decades worth of home bottle-dyed jet black hair! Thanks to wigs this was finally possible for me.

Since surgery I have a pretty big scar that runs from underneath my left breast to my shoulder blade and another in my armpit. I’m proud of the marks that cancer has left on my body; much like some of my tattoos they’re meaningful for me – they symbolise the hardest year of my life and everything I’ve overcome.

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What inspired you to start getting tattooed? I knew from young age that I wanted tattoos. I love everything about them – the creativity, the process, the culture. There’s something quite special about being able to collect art in a way that is so personal and individual to you.

Most of my tattoos are inspired by traditional mehndi and I have quite a few pieces by Sway and Matt Chahal. My favourites are the deity on my arm (Sway) and the tiger on my leg (Matt Chahal). I’m looking forward to getting more once my treatment is over and have a bucket list of artists from around the world that I’d love to be tattooed by.

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What’s next for you and Brave Collective? I’m always working on new ideas for the brand. There’s a number of artists I’d love to collaborate with, tattoo artists included. I’m currently working on a collaboration with illustrator, Matt Sabbath and products should be available to shop in May of this year. I’m really excited about this, he’s an awesome artist and I massively respect his work.

I’d love to eventually reach the stage where we’re raising awareness, offering a platform of support and showcasing our brand at gigs and music festivals alongside some of the bands and artists we love. If through all of this I can help even a handful of young adults dealing with a cancer diagnosis and those closest to them, then I’ll be happy.

And for me personally, I’m trying to adjust to life after cancer. It’s been one hell of ride.

Photos: Sarah Victoria Shiplee