Learning to Love my Body and my Stoma Bag

27-year-old Caz Caines, from Newbury, Berkshire is a make-up lover and compliance administrator. We chatted to Caz who is sharing her story about her stoma bag as a way of celebrating her body, spreading self love and helping others… 

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How did you feel when you first had the bag fitted? Can you tell us about why and how you came to have it? I have had my stoma [a pouch placed over the stomach to collect waste products that usually pass through the colon] for six years now. I was really poorly and admitted to hospital with a very swollen stomach, turns out my large intestine was so stretched and my organs were shutting down. When the surgeons opened me up my large intestine split. They had to operate and create a stoma, which I named Krang. I was so scared and upset but relieved. I woke up from surgery with the bag, totally unexpected and a big shock. After I got over the initial shock, I felt relieved because I knew that I’d feel better in myself, this could give me a new lease of life.

IMG_0705Did you always feel so confident? Nope, definitely not! I found that when I had surgery my body changed so much – I lost four stone while in hospital as I wasn’t allowed to eat for 10 days. I really started looking at it differently as I now had this ridiculously big scar with added poo bag on my stomach, not something you see everyday. So I felt a bit self conscious at first, that didn’t last long though. I started blogging soon after, speaking to other young people with stomas and really trying to encourage others to see themselves as the attractive, positive person they are or soon could be.

What advice would you give to others who struggle to feel good about themselves? You just gotta think this is the only life you’re gonna have so appreciate yourself and focus on the things you like. I love make-up and creating different looks with that, it really does make me feel better about myself. Get your nails done, put on your favourite music. Surround yourself with wonderful, hilarious people. My friends helped me out so much when I was poorly, they’re absolutely brilliant people. You always need that friend who will tell you to stop wallowing, I like people who are forward, you need people like that in your life.

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How do you try to celebrate your body? Is Instagram a way for you to do this? I just try and appreciate it the best I can, I’m not one to deny myself a pizza every week. Instagram can be a way, my recent bag picture did get a lot of positive comments and attention which is great, social media is crazy! I have spoken to more people who had bags, there is a big network of Ostomates on Instagram, more people are showing their bags off. I definitely have my down days and hangs up like everyone, I try not to let it get to me, I just need to remind myself that my bag saved my life so I should be bigging it up.

Why do you think sharing your story and spreading body positivity is important? Because there are so many people out there who probably feel a little lost after surgery, you really don’t feel 100% so I just want to show people, it’s cool, you’ll get back to feeling good again! You just gotta embrace what you have, even those without bags! You have one body, don’t listen to the magazines, you don’t have to be a certain way. I don’t want people who have bags to feel like they’re ugly, nor the people who don’t have them to think we are. I get messages from so many young people saying I’ve helped them feel more confident, it’s just so great, it’s nice knowing you’ve helped someone just by saying what you truly feel.

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How have tattoos helped? I had tattoos before surgery, I’ve always loved them. I do have a piece which I got last year by Jody Dawber – it is a lady with two sets of eyes, as if to say ‘don’t see yourself through other people’s eyes’. I wanted to get something that tied in with my message of body confidence and my bag as well as looking fabulous.
When I get a new tattoo it’s exciting, I get such a rush from seeing it go from paper to skin – I can’t stop looking at it once it’s been done and definitely can’t wait to show everyone this fantastic piece of art.

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What tattoo plans do you have? The plan has always been heavy coverage, I love the look. I was a stupid 18 year old and started on a sleeve which I now can’t stand and I’m working on blacking out. I want to get more work by Jody, she is definitely one of my favourite artists as her style is so cute and distinctive, it also helps that she’s so easy to talk to and would put anyone at ease. I would also love another Danielle Rose piece, her work is so stunning, it takes your breath away. I follow a few artists on IG, it is one of the easiest places to find new tattooers, so I have my eye on a few people currently – Craven Tattooer, Max Rathbone and Aimee Lou are a few I’m loving at the moment.

Interview with Dr. Faisal Rehman

45-year-old Dr. Faisal Rehman is a nephrologist (kidney specialist) and Associate Professor of Medicine at the Schulich School of Medicine at Western University in London, Ontario, Canada. He also takes care of patients with kidney disease and contributes heavily to the education of hundreds of medical students, residents, and subspecialty fellows.

Here, Dr. Faisal Rehman tells us about his inspirational weight-loss journey inspired by his love for his family as well as his boxing, charity work and of course tattoos… 

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Photo taken by April-Lea Hutchinson

Growing up, I was a very skinny kid and I remained thin in my early 20s.  When I started medical school I began eating more and exercising less. I didn’t start to pile on the pounds until I graduated from medical school and got married. I  started neglecting my health, working long hours and eating fast food.  Pretty soon, I became supersized! In 2002, while completing my training in Nephrology, I had ballooned up to 242 pounds.

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Around the time, this picture was taken, I bought a new home for my young family that I couldn’t afford. I wanted to protect them if anything should happen to me, and I applied for life insurance. Unfortunately, my life insurance application was turned down because it was clear that I had type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol. This was  embarrassing for me, that as a physician I had allowed my own health to deteriorate. Almost immediately after the results,  I started eating properly, cut out all of the fast food and began eating sensible meals. I also started exercising, lifting weights and running and within six months I transformed myself into the picture below.

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I lost 70 pounds in eight months. My blood pressure, blood sugar and cholesterol normalised and I was approved for life insurance.  It was at this point, I started to participate in boxing classes.

Life was great until 2006 when my second daughter Nadiyah was diagnosed with Leukaemia at three years old. This was one of the most heartbreaking times in my life. I put all my focus on her recovery and treatment, my training stopped. I lost more weight because of stress and fear for my daughter’s health. Her chemotherapy treatments lasted for three years, at the end of 2008, she was in remission and doing great. This experience changed my perception of what was important in life.

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In 2009, I took charge of raising money for the Kidney Clinical Research Unit at our hospital. I organised a black tie night featuring a boxing tournament between amateur athletes from the USA and Canada.  I decided to fight on the night, in the hope that we would raise more money. So at the age of 38 I began training for my first fight. In sparring over the next several months I suffered a broken nose, hand injuries and concussions, but I got myself in top shape and was one of the featured fights at our charity night event called “Showdown in the Downtown”. Although I lost my first fight, it was an amazing night of fights and we raised $107,000 for charity.

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In 2011, when I turned 40, I decided that instead of painting on tattoos for my charity fights, I was going to get real tattoos. I wanted the tattoos to symbolise my warrior spirit. Inspired by the fighting spirit of boxer Miguel Cotto, who had amazing tribal tattoos, I started getting inked. Rich Lambe, owner of Stay True Tattoo in St. Thomas, Ontario tattooed my tribal and the wings on my back that symbolise speed and agility.

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Photo taken by April-Lea Hutchinson

While organising charity events and working, I ventured into the world of kick boxing and mixed martial arts (MMA) as I wanted to challenge myself. I absolutely love it!

Through my work with my charity Showdown in the Downtown, we have now held a number of professional combat sport events as well as music concerts with acts like Jim Cuddy from Blue Rodeo and Jann Arden. Our last four events raised over $250,000. Over the last seven years we have raised over $1.4 million for kidney disease research, solid organ transplant research, cancer research and to combat poverty and homelessness.

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This year, I turn 45. I have never been in better shape and I am now proud of my body and  tattoos. I had some pictures taken of myself showing off my tattoos and my fit physique, mainly for my own memories and also to remind myself that it is never too late to embrace your body and to embrace the art you have placed on your body, as it is a reflection of your spirit. I am not sure if it was my own health scare or the scare I had with my daughter’s health that motivated me to change myself, but I suspect both of these events changed my outlook on life for the better. I am grateful that I have been able to help myself, my family and others through combat sport and through my charitable work. I am blessed.

Alana Macleod

22-year-old Alana Macleod, who creates beautifully coloured and patterned clothing is currently studying textiles in Bournemouth. We chatted to Alana about the process behind her designs, her tattoos and how, by sharing her own story, she hopes to help others struggling with eating disorders… 

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How would you describe your style, both how you dress and what you create? My style is very colour focussed, and is an exploration of variety of textures and shapes. In terms of my dress sense, I like to wear structural, interesting shapes, and with my textiles work I like to create these shapes with a combination of materials and embellishments. I feel as though my work and my style can often be very connected, as for me it is important that both express an element of fun, with the outcome never being too serious. I think fashion should be fun.
What influences your work and who inspires you? It sounds cliché but I really am inspired by things that I see around me, whether that’s an interesting place or a person. I think when you have been around textiles for so long, you automatically take inspiration from things and it’s hard to escape, so my influences can come from anything. I think Instagram is also such an amazing, inspiring platform; we can use it to discover people who interest us and are doing really cool things, and I think it’s so great to have that at our fingertips.

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Can you tell us about the process behind your designs? All my outcomes start with mass amounts of drawings and paintings, then there is a lot of cutting, sticking, photocopying, until I start to develop some ideas for prints or surfaces. I use a combination of screen print, digital print, embroidery, and hand embellishment; there isn’t really an order to doing this within my practice, things just kind of develop naturally and I just follow what I feel is working at the time. I always start with a plan when I am designing, but the creative process always changes.

Do you sell any of your designs? I’m currently not selling my work anywhere online, however I’m in the process of starting up an online store! I also take commissions if anybody is interested.

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When did you get your first tattoo? What was it and do you still love it? Well technically my first tattoo was a horrific hand poked diamond on my  which I had done at the age of 13! And I absolutely do not love it, neither did my mother at the time, ha. I waited to get my first professional tattoo at the age of 18, which were some bows on the back of my legs. I was going through quite a rockabilly phase at the time; looking back, they are definitely something I would not get now, but they also remind me of a certain time, and that’s why I will always like all of my tattoos regardless of whether my style has changed since.

What inspired you to start getting tattooed? Throughout school I had always experimented with a lot of styles and subcultures, all of which were quite alternative. I always wanted to stand out with my appearance as a teenager, and was always getting in trouble at school for it. I think my love of tattooing definitely developed from my urge to be different. I listened to a lot of punk music from a young age, and I always admired the musicians and the whole aesthetic. I also think that my creativity has had a big part in my interest within tattoos- art class was the only that I engaged in fully within school and college, and when I grew up and realised that I could display this creativity on my own body, it just made sense to me.

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Do tattoos influence or alter how you feel about your body? Have they helped you with feelings of self confidence? Yes definitely- when I have experienced difficult times with my body and my confidence, having my tattoos makes me still feel comfortable within my skin regardless. I’m much happier to show my body, or even look at my body, knowing that I have this collection of beautiful art, whereas previously I may have struggled to see any positives about myself.

On Instagram you’re quite open about your struggles with an eating disorder, why do you think it’s important to share your own experience? I think it’s really important because of how alone you can feel when you are caught up in an eating disorder, and I really want to remind people that they’re not alone. I remember when I was at a really awful point in my life, and I felt that nobody would understand and that my behaviour was so alien. I was seeking help from eating disorder ‘help’ forums, as I had nowhere to turn, but these websites are bad news and an awful trap that is even more difficult to get out of. I hope that speaking about my issues openly on Instagram will not only keep people away from these sites to seek reassurance, but will also let them know that the people that they follow and admire also have their own struggles and that it is a lot more common that they may have realised. I think the word bulimia has such a stigma and a misunderstanding around it, and there are a lot of misconceptions. I didn’t actually realise that I was bulimic for quite some time, I’d convinced myself that my over-exercise, restrictive diet and purging ‘bad’ foods was just me being healthy and normal. I’d love to help people realise that obsessive behaviours aren’t actually normal, and to help them become aware before they’re in too deep.

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Do you think social media has helped you or hindered you in your progress and self love journey? I have mixed feelings about social media and it’s impact on my eating disorder. In the early days, I think Instagram was definitely a contributor towards my obsession with my weight- I was feeling a lot of pressure to keep up my ‘healthy lifestyle’, which essentially was making me much more ill. However, when I eventually publicly opened up about my disorder, the amount of positive feedback and genuine kindness I received from everybody was so warming and lovely, and I think it’s amazing to have that kind of support network. I’ve been open about my struggles online for just under a year now, and it definitely has helped with my self-love since I started therapy. Some days I will be having a bad day with my body image, but to receive such lovely praise from people who have known my struggles is really special.

Have tattoos played a part in your recovery? I  say they have helped my recovery, but they have definitely made me still feel like ‘me’, when I’ve had low times where I’ve been unsure of who I am. During recovery I have gained some weight again, and my tattoos have helped me with loving myself still too. I can’t imagine to have not had them throughout this journey, they’re the one thing that have always given me another layer of confidence, and I’ve always been able to express myself through my tattoos.

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Do you have any future tattoo plans? I’m continuing with working on my legs next, I have some exciting plans to try and make them feel much more completed, ankle cuffs, some blacking out and some ornamental work within the things that I have already!

Tattooed Mama: Hannah Daisy

We chatted to full time mama 22-year-old Hannah Daisy from London about becoming a mum, how she sees her body differently now and her tattoos…

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Pregnancy is such an enlightening journey, there’s no way you can come out the other side and look at yourself in the same way. It was so uplifting for me, my body worked HARD, and I’ve come to respect it so much more. I’ve struggled with self esteem, I still do from time to time, but I try not to worry about the small things any more and just appreciate it as a whole. If I wanted to look like I hadn’t had a baby then I wouldn’t have had had one.

Honestly, my tattoos haven’t changed much at all since I was pregnant. I have got a stretch mark that’s gone straight through the bottom of the dagger, but it’s not noticeable, it all comes with the territory and I had anticipated some change, so no biggy!

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Every aspect of life has changed. I’m still trying to find that balance between being a mum and being my own person. Having a career and keeping up with hobbies have both been on hold since being pregnant and having Reuben, which has been the most frustrating thing, but I’m finally starting to weave them back into the mum schedule, we’ll get there eventually. The kid makes the rules right now!

Instagram was never meant to be more than a place to share photos for family and friends. My pregnancy started off a bit rocky and I wasn’t really sure how to cope. I’m normally one of those people who bottles everything up, but I started to talk about my experiences and converse with other women and it really helped, it became more of an outlet and played a huge part in me healing.

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I started @two.plus.roo so I didn’t end up bombarding everyone on my main account (@hannah.daisy) with endless bump updates intended for family and friends. I felt this huge urge to capture everything, I’m glad I did because it’s been such a magical journey so far. Finding this little corner of the internet where women really pull together as a community was a huge eye opener and I can only try to add to that.

I don’t think anyone is really qualified to give advise on pregnancy/motherhood, everyone has their own ways and it can get quite patronising, so I’d say have faith in your own instincts and don’t feel bad if you need to politely ask someone to back off. Keep a positive head on your shoulders, make some mama friends and enjoy every second!

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I miss being pregnant so much, I loved being pregnant. It’s a such a surreal feeling to be carrying a little human, when you think about it it’s almost alien isn’t it?! I’m really selfish and enjoyed being the closest one to him! I certainly don’t miss waking up every 20 minutes through the night though, that I could have done without.

Tattooing was something I took interest in quite early on in life, a lot of my other interests at that time were easily interwoven with tattooing so it was something I was bound to bump into at some point. My partner George tattoos, we both paint together and get tattooed, so it’s something that would be hard for me to avoid. My tattoos don’t have any great personal meanings or anything fancy like that, they’re just a collection of designs I like by people I’ve wanted to get tattooed by. George and I tend to spend the year saving and then travel to different parts of the world to get tattooed by some awesome artists. It’s allowed me to meet people I otherwise wouldn’t of crossed paths with, and it’s a great reason to travel. We have plans to travel and get tattooed a lot more this year, this time with Reuben in tow, I’m excited to show him the world this time round!

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Differently Abled Women Taking Back the Beach

Online women’s lifestyle website Refinery29 created a beautiful and inspiring photographic series titled ‘9 Stunning Photos Of Differently Abled Women Taking Back The Beach‘. The series showcases four stunning women who all have disabilities enjoying their bodies and holidays as well as the stories behind their bodies… 

Despite often facing additional logistical challenges, women who are differently abled “take back the beach” in their own way, whether that means making their way through the sand in a wheelchair, overcoming insecurities around removing prosthetic limbs in public, or simply asking for help when they need it.

And since we don’t see enough of these women in ads or on the pages of magazines, we decided to spend a day at the beach and the pool with four differently abled women and find out what their experiences are really like. Of course, these four stories don’t represent every single differently abled woman out there, but they’re definitely a start.

 

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Danielle Perez Age: 31 Location: Los Angeles, CA Job: Comedian

 

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Kristen Parisi Age: 31 Location: New York Job: Public relations executive

 

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Lacey Henderson Age: 26 Location: Phoenix, AZ Job: Professional long jumper for the U.S. Paralympics

 

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Caxmee Age: 26 Location: Brooklyn, NY (originally from Haiti) Job: Fellowship/program manager at the office of the mayor of New York City